Lately, I've been finding myself reflecting. I tend to be a forgetful person but there have been moments in my life that I want to just stay in my head with all the emotions of that single moment. I am so thankful that I had the forethought to recognize those moments, stop myself, savor whatever it was. Now when they are long in the past I can recall them and reflect on them with all the knowledge and experience I've gained since then. Yesterday, I was thinking of studying abroad. I used to sit in my dorm room and look out my 11th floor window onto London's twinkling lights. Its so far from the rolling hills of the suburbs where I live now but both were/have been overall wonderful experiences. In London, at that time it was a sad moment, I was so lonely and homesick, but even then I knew in the future I would look back on the experience fondly and now I'm thrilled I can recall that view. There's obvious moments like holding my children for the first time. Feeling their skin so smooth and the awesome happiness. Then smaller moments that seemed huge at the time, like driving alone for the first time. I remember that perfectly sunny day, rolling down all the windows of mom's caravan, the wind blowing my hair and listening to Seal on the radio "Kiss from a Rose" on the radio. I sang every single word to that song and celebrated my new freedom. Today the weather was similar and I was appreciating driving all alone but it wasn't about freedom, it was the babysitter. Its all so important, every single second.
While all these moments are special in their own way, the emotions are a tricky thing. I have been enjoying the physical challenges of losing weight and running, shedding excess weight is wonderful. The photo project which I will finish has really gotten me to think a little more about being more mindful and to actively seek out beauty. While I admire artsy bohemian types, I do not claim to be one. It does not come natural to me to float through my day admiring flowers and birthday cakes. I love how my kids see a dinosaur cupcake and it totally makes their day. They laugh with excitement. They oooh and ahhh. Such simple things, like the view right in front of your face should be admired and celebrated. Everything else is excess.
There's emotion in the excess though, otherwise it would be easier to purge. Just read an interesting blog post http://www.thetrephine.com/2011/04/26/just-dont-call-me-a-tramp-it-confuses-my-mother/ and I think I need to start a new challenge of purging. While I love going to stores like Bed, Bath & Beyond, Target and the like, its just such dumb stuff and I never want my life to be about that stupid stuff. I hate extra hand towels, cloth napkins, GIFT BAGS and stuff that never gets used but I'm supposed to keep "just in case" they decide to throw the royal wedding at my house. Why can't I just get rid of it? things that are perfectly good? things never used? It just seems so wrong but I am going to do it. Does anyone actually recall the cloth napkins on the dinner table? The bag your gift came in? Its all such nonsense. Excessive nonsense.
I'm pretty sure when the excessive nonsense goes away it will be easier to enjoy and experience the moment.
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