Everyday Beauty 11 of 14

Blooming lilacs

The Purge Begins

Goodbye candy canes.

How have you lasted this long in my cabinet?  

Welcome room for healthier food.

Everyday Beauty 10 of 14

Let an ant tickle your arm.

Everyday Beauty 9 of 14

Works of art

Everyday Beauty 8 of 14

Keep me.

No Excess in a Moment

Lately, I've been finding myself reflecting.  I tend to be a forgetful person but there have been moments in my life that I want to just stay in my head with all the emotions of that single moment.  I am so thankful that I had the forethought to recognize those moments, stop myself, savor whatever it was. Now when they are long in the past I can recall them and reflect on them with all the knowledge and experience I've gained since then.  Yesterday, I was thinking of studying abroad.  I used to sit in my dorm room and look out my 11th floor window onto London's twinkling lights.  Its so far from the rolling hills of the suburbs where I live now but both were/have been overall wonderful experiences.  In London, at that time it was a sad moment, I was so lonely and homesick, but even then I knew in the future I would look back on the experience fondly and now I'm thrilled I can recall that view.  There's obvious moments like holding my children for the first time.  Feeling their skin so smooth and the awesome happiness.  Then smaller moments that seemed huge at the time, like driving alone for the first time.  I remember that perfectly sunny day, rolling down all the windows of mom's caravan, the wind blowing my hair and listening to Seal on the radio "Kiss from a Rose" on the radio.  I sang every single word to that song and celebrated my new freedom.  Today the weather was similar and I was appreciating driving all alone but it wasn't about freedom, it was the babysitter.  Its all so important, every single second.

While all these moments are special in their own way, the emotions are a tricky thing.  I have been enjoying the physical challenges of losing weight and running, shedding excess weight is wonderful.  The photo project which I will finish has really gotten me to think a little more about being more mindful and to actively seek out beauty.  While I admire artsy bohemian types, I do not claim to be one.  It does not come natural to me to float through my day admiring flowers and birthday cakes.  I love how my kids see a dinosaur cupcake and it totally makes their day.  They laugh with excitement.  They oooh and ahhh.  Such simple things, like the view right in front of your face should be admired and celebrated.  Everything else is excess.

There's emotion in the excess though, otherwise it would be easier to purge.  Just read an interesting blog post  http://www.thetrephine.com/2011/04/26/just-dont-call-me-a-tramp-it-confuses-my-mother/ and I think I need to start a new challenge of purging.  While I love going to stores like Bed, Bath & Beyond, Target and the like, its just such dumb stuff and I never want my life to be about that stupid stuff.  I hate extra hand towels, cloth napkins, GIFT BAGS and stuff that never gets used but I'm supposed to keep "just in case" they decide to throw the royal wedding at my house.  Why can't I just get rid of it? things that are perfectly good?  things never used? It just seems so wrong but I am going to do it.  Does anyone actually recall the cloth napkins on the dinner table?  The bag your gift came in?  Its all such nonsense.  Excessive nonsense.

I'm pretty sure when the excessive nonsense goes away it will be easier to enjoy and experience the moment.

Everyday Beauty 6 & 7 of 14

Maturity - first year for actual lilacs

Maturity comes with birthday parties

I know I have fallen down on my own mini photo challenge.  I was enjoying doing it but with all the rain, just consider it a rain delay.

This weeks meeting was so inspiring b/c one of my WW friends hit 100lbs!  Amazing!  I am so proud of her.  She had her disabled son with her to receive her 100 lb weight/charm thing.  It just makes you realize that however much you think you have going on, all the excuses that pop into your head, are so small.  People meet their challenges head on everyday and find success and that is nothing short of inspiring.

I lost 1.4 lbs this week so I am back to my low and ready to work.

Everyday Beauty 5 of 14

Fishing Derby

Everyday Beauty 4 of 14

Birthday parties

Everyday Beauty 3 of 14

Everyday Beauty 2 of 14

First picnic of the season and the weather was perfect.

Everyday Beauty 1 of 14

I'm already cheating on my own reflection project by using a picture from a few weeks ago but I am the boss of this blog and can do what ever I please.  I love the colors of the bricks in my walkway.  I was admiring the green moss on my patio bricks and was going to take a picture of that today but it was raining too much.

12 Week Challenge

Today I was up 1.4 lbs, 160.8 in total.  Not a total surprise since I've had Chinese take out for about three days twice a day.  Since my own scale is afraid to turn on I kind of was just hoping it wasn't going to be that bad especially since as of Saturday morning I had been doing so well but it was.  I got to the meeting late which was a little disappointing since I could've used the extra motivation but it was still motivating.  The theme this week was how to make me time and start a 12 week challenge.  It could be anything.  Anyway, the inspiring quote from today's meeting, "When you learn to take care of yourself you are likely to be happier, healthier and more in control of your weight loss progress."  I will focus on that this week.

Anyway, I can't think of anything great to challenge myself with for 12 weeks.  I've kind of been in a funk and wanting to do my own little challenge/reflection of taking pictures of everyday things I think are beautiful and posting but today was supposed to be day 1 and I forgot.  I suppose I could start tomorrow or maybe I'll just use a recent picture I took.  When I started WW I got this 3 month journal, that I have not used once.  Its really nice, has nice little questions to answer each day and boxes to check off when you do healthy things like take your vitamin or eat a banana.  I was reluctant to use it b/c I really want to be consistent with it.  I think I've saved it long enough and however boring it is for my 12 week challenge I will start the journal.  I know the food tracking part will definitely help.

Overall today was fun yet tedious day.  My son is off from school so he accompanied me on my errands today.  The only errand we ran today was going to the toy store to get presents for this weekend's birthday parties.  My children always seem to get invited to parties on the same day (very annoying and rushed).  Anyway, he was super excited because we got a present for him too.  He played with his new train while I listened in my meeting.  I told him how nice it is to spend the whole day with him and how I miss him when he's at school.  He made me laugh out loud when he said he does not miss me at school.  I told him how happy that makes me because then I know he's having a great time at school.  I decided not to go to the gym purposely and instead do chores at home and play with the kids.  The never ending chore that started yesterday and lasted all afternoon and is still not done is clothes sorting.  I suppose it takes me longer to do because I have to periodically pretend to be the big bad wolf or start the kids on art projects or play with the baby, but its fine, it will get done.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow.  I'm going to swim again and then do the sauna room.  My own little spa day.

Shattered

Top 5 Aims of my Anger
While Cleaning This Up

(1) Jenn-Air, the makers of my refrigerator.  The super sticky substance that holds the glass on appears to be all on the sides but not directly in the middle where something is most likely to actually hit it.  My scratched up fingertips appreciate your attention to detail.  It made it much easier to peel the shattered glass from the middle off since there was no glue there!

(2) My husband and I for paying extra for breakable glass on the front of our refrigerator.  "Could we pay extra and get more hazards in our home please?  Its just we have small children and they enjoy the excitement."

(3) High Fructose Corn Syrup, I would probably just buy jelly in a plastic container if it weren't for the HFC (and everyone insistence on grape -- grape and no HFC force me to get Polaner only).  Perhaps this warrants a letter to Polaner, why can't they use plastic?

(4) All the leftovers that I was trying to throw out when this happened.  I should just not allow them in the refrigerator ever.  Any leftover's chances of actually getting eaten in this house I would estimate at about 7%.  

(5)  Myself for obsessing on this, letting it ruin my day yesterday and still thinking about it on day 2

The Refrigerator Fights Back

The irony was not lost on me that as I try to break my habit of going to the refrigerator today I had to spend several frustrating hours in front of it.  Three years ago, the refrigerator was our first purchase for the house.  It's a really nice white frig.  We paid extra for the floating glass front because we just love that modern look.  Today, a glass jar of Polaner jelly fell out of the door and hit the bottom freezer door shattering not the $2 jar but the floating glass on the outside of the freezer door.  Thankfully, no one was injured.  On this beautiful warm sunny day, I had to spend hours cleaning it up and I am still not done.  My fingertips are all scratched up and I'm exhausted from yelling at my children to put shoes on when entering the kitchen.  On the upside, it looks fine without the glass on bottom so I think we won't have to replace it.  On the downside, its like $500 to replace it!

I did go to the gym today.  The kids had classes and then went to babysitting.  I walked on the weightloss setting (which I think just means big incline) and did the weights.  It was just an OK workout, I was so annoyed about the refrigerator.

Saturday, I had a pleasant scale reading in the bathroom so completely unofficial.  The scale said 154.6 which is fantastic because its a healthy BMI!!  That's a first and I am thrilled with that.  Unfortunately we did a ton of visiting over the weekend (although it was fortunate to see everyone).  I ate not too bad on Saturday and then terrible on Sunday.  Sunday after lunch at Wendy's we had company and ordered Chinese food in.  I ate the leftovers today so I'm sure just by the amount of salt I probably ingested that the scale will not be kind to me.  On the bright side, my bathroom scale is not turning on possibly out of fear that I will throw it out the window but more likely it needs a battery.  I feel nauseous thinking about how poorly I've eaten the last few days.

I pride myself on being rather slow to anger and frustration but today was just full of it.  In addition to the refrigerator debacle, I took my son who would be happy to wear the same thing everyday out shopping for  socks.  We did come home with socks and a couple of new shirts but the whole experience felt rushed and unpleasant since I had to beg him to look at everything and choose something, anything.

Nothing is going on with mom camp.  One mom told me she was a definite but she didn't put it on the e-vite so it still just looks very negative.

New house project is getting a new bathroom.  Very excited but have not had time to research anything. Still feeling like I need an outlet to focus on some sort of more daily goal but maybe what I need is to chill out and not feel so rushed all the time.

Baby Brain

Today I went to such an interesting lecture by Dr. Jill Stamm. http://www.newdirectionsinstitute.org/brightfromthestart.htm

She was speaking about brain development and in particular the "critical years" 0-3 years old.  The human brain is fascinating.  While I was not inspired to become a neuroscientist.  I do think I am on the right path in looking into teaching and working with young children.  She explained that nature and nurture go hand in hand and science is proving it.  I went hoping to hear something new and be inspired about teaching my baby new things.  I don't just want to pass the buck since she happened to come third by just do what I did with the first two, Lulu deserves just as much mindful parenting as the other two.  It was very heartening to hear that I am already doing the things that help my baby reach her potential.  The best techniques are talking, reading, singing, playing and cuddling with your child!!  Hooray we already enjoy those things every day.  While I didn't hear anything new in terms of technique, hearing how important doing those things are during the first three years will inspire me to do it even more for a very long time (like as long as my kids let me give them squeezes).

Race at My Leisure

Nothing smacks the "thin goggles" off your face like a putting on a bathing suit.  Today's workout I decided to go swimming with another mommy friend.  Loved it!  I'm thinking my exercise plan going forward will be a day (or two) at the gym where I run 3 miles and then do weights, then a second day to swim.  Must say I am really enjoying my exercising without the feeling that I HAVE to do it like when I was training for the half marathon.  I am even wondering if I should do a triathlon, perhaps next year.  I'm still thinking about a half marathon that's right near my house.  I was talking to another mom about it and she was saying how she was OK walking parts, she just wants to do it.  With that in mind, I'm wondering if I should sign up and complete the race at my leisure, although that does seem a bit of an oxymoron to race at my leisure.

Mom camp is still being considered by a few.  We'll see if I get my 10 moms involved.  Everyone says they like the idea but no one is actually committing.

I read this book about St Thomas Aquinas or maybe he wrote it, it was a while back and I don't even think I finished it.  Anyway, the book was basically saying that you need to force yourself to be open (which I interpret as positive) and you will hear God's music and it will make you happy (completely paraphrasing and overly simplifying).  I remember that at the time I was slaving away working over the summer in the city during college when I read the book but I really tried to concentrate on the quote and I got out of the steamy subway and I heard the most beautiful music.  It was actual music from one of those subway musicians but I laughed to myself at how literal my experience was.  Anyway the sentiment of that quote popped into my head today.  I went swimming with my friend and I didn't get hung up on wearing a bathing suit or feeling the cold, it was just pure fun.

Taking off the Thin Goggles

Well, last night I did begin to dabble with the junk food.  I think one or two PopTart S'mores are missing.  I had a headache and I could tell I was on a slippery slope so I just went to bed and cut the food binging off.  At today's weigh in I was down 2.4lbs!!!  I am officially out of the 160s by the skin of my teeth, 159.4!!  Back on track goal-wise as I am down 27 lbs in all as week 26 commences.

I do feel like I am playing a dangerous game with what I'll call "Thin Goggles."  Much like beer goggles, I am referring to my vision altering for the better (but ultimately worse).  Drunk on compliments and the glee of fitting into old or smaller clothing, I start to think well I'm kind of already at goal.  I am pretty close to having a healthy BMI which would be an acceptable goal weight by WW standards.  Maybe this last few pounds isn't that necessary to lose?  Or maybe this last few pounds is harder to lose for a reason like maybe its just part of me?  Then I wear a bathing suit or see an unflattering picture and I am reminded that there is still plenty of road ahead of me.  I deserve to be rid of all this extra weight.  I want to look good all the time not just in occasional pictures with my head tilted just so.  Speaking of unflattering pictures, my race picture is dreadful!!  I don't know where the camera was but they take these shots mid-run and I always look like such a nut out there.  Does anyone look good in these pictures?  Someone must but when is it my turn?  Clearly not yet.

Late Night Eating Strikes again!

The scale was looking great over the weekend, kept seeing 157!  Then I ruined it last night snacking on junk after dinner.  Really it was sabotage b/c my mother brought over mini Cadbury eggs while she watched the kids and then left it all with us when she left.  Oh and I have a headache too!  AND I can tell I want to do the same thing again tonight!  No!!!!!!!!!!  Going to be really annoyed at myself if I gain this week or  I'm still in the 160s.

I sent out an e-vite to a bunch of moms for my "mom camp" idea.  A lot of people saying its a good idea but not a lot of takers.  So many people sign their kids up for camp full days that doing a weekly morning thing is not doable for them.  Its a little frustrating but its not like I didn't know most people had those kinds of commitments already.  Who knows what will pan out?  A few people were interested in having a mom camp but don't want to pay for a music person.  Without the music, it's just more of a play date idea which I'm not opposed to but my main motivation for suggesting this is that I wanted to sign the kids up for Music Together and its crazy expensive for multiple kids.  I just have to use this experience as a lesson in patience and organizing people, hopefully something good will come of it.

I finally heard back from the school I'm interested in and I don't have to take that summer class.  No more conflict.
 

Things are Taking Shape

I prefer to talk about things sequentially so let me start with last week.  Last week was crazy getting ready for the weekend away so I didn't really get to plan my food too well.  I rarely go to fast food restaurants and last week I went to Burger King twice!  The first time was a first for my children.  It was kind of hysterical to see how much they enjoyed it.  Completely taken in by the indoor playground and crowns they received.  It was a special treat and I think they understood that but do I really want terribly unhealthy food to be a treat?  Well, that's another topic.  In addition to the BK trips, we ate out in DC for every meal and then we went to a birthday party where I was again taken in by the mini foods (two mini cupcakes with homemade butter cream frosting).  All of which contributed to last week's weight gain despite my running literally 20 miles.  There, I admitted it and now on to this week.

This week the scale has steadily been in the 158-160 range, a couple of times dipping down to 156!  I am quite hopeful this will be a good week on the scale.  I was sick this week and lost my appetite for few days so any weight loss this week will not necessarily be for my good eating habits.  But I'll take it!

Still feeling really great about the half marathon success and eager to take on a new goal.  I have come up with two possibilities.  One possibility is a mom summer camp.  I was thinking of signing the kids up for a music class but its really expensive to sign up multiple kids for a music class.  My husband and I really want to encourage the kids to play an instrument but they are still too young.  It pains me to spend a ton of money for 45 minutes of dancing around to music which we already do at home but really that's all my kids are old enough for.  I was thinking that wouldn't it be great to have a regular play date with the kids' friends, invite a musician and maybe do a craft and lunch together.  There is this wonderful music guy who comes to our library who all the kids really enjoy.  While his rates are high they are just as high as if I were to sign up my three for a dance around music class.  I'm thinking I'll send out an e-vite and see what mom's are interested in paying for this guy and making it into a once a week 3 hour play date.  The scary part is that my house is so small but I need to just get over that and figure everyone will squeeze together.  ha!  Perhaps someone with a larger house will volunteer it or we'll agree to alternate hosting.  We'll see who's interested.   Second goal possibility is that I've been looking into becoming a Montessori teacher.  The school I've been interested in is having a summer three day workshop.  I am hoping to do that and/or just apply to the actual program.  Still waiting to hear back from the school if I should do both or if I'm going to do the full program I don't need to do the workshop.    I love the idea of doing the workshop only problem is that its the same week as the first mom camp would be.  Conflict already.

In other news, my most recent reward pants are wearable but too big.  I can actually pull them off without unbuttoning the button or fly.  Remember the size 8 Old Navy jeans?  I have NEVER been a size 6 so I am pretty sure Old Navy must make their clothes larger so people feel better about getting smaller sizes.  I pulled out a really old pair of jeans (probably 8 years old) that I used to love and they fit!!  My husband even said they look good on me.  The legs flare a little more than I prefer but I'm wearing them quite happily!